My relationship with God has carried me through this season of suffering. At the beginning of my illness, I could hardly pray and God seemed so far away. I had once read a verse that said you will find Me if you search for Me with all your heart. Then I started praying and and asking God to help me.
One day, the most amazing thing happened, I felt like God was in the room with me. He had been there all along and was just waiting for me to seek Him. I no longer have to walk this road alone. Jesus is right there holding my hand and on the tough days He carries me.
Please share your positive spiritual experiences so that we can encourage one another.
I would say the same thing--it has been my relationship with God that has been my source of joy and strength through this, though at one time, I was so confused and angry that I almost walked away from God for good. I had been taught that if I just had enough faith, God would heal me. After many years, I only got worse. I thought, either my illness is all my fault for not having enough faith in God, or what I think the Bible teaches isn't true and not worth believing in. I chose to hang in there and attend a church I felt that God wanted me to go to. I was very afraid and skeptical, but wow! How I desperately needed to hear someone behind the pulpit simply acknowledge that life is not perfect or fair; that the Bible doesn't say anywhere that if you just have enough faith nothing bad will ever happen to you. Then our pastor taught us how to weather storms.
I can also say that God has surprised me very much! When I first became ill I felt like a loser as a woman, as a wife, as a daughter, daughter in law, friend, just about in every way b/c I couldn't meet my husband's sexual needs, couldn't give anyone children or grandchildren, couldn't work and help share the financial burden of my disease,, couldn't care for my home b/c we were living with my inlaws--you talk about feeling like a big nobody! I also felt like I had failed God miserably b/c of all the anger, bitterness, doubt and depression I wrestled with so much everyday. It was during this time, and I think God did this on purpose, that He began to show His immense love for me as a Father. That He still loved me, wanted me, saw me as precious--meant so much. Helped restore some of my very bruised dignity. I could try to explain how He did this, but it probably wouldn't make sense. All I know is that He did.
I also began to slowly realize during this time what true wealth is. I kept thinking, you know, I could get well, and something else could happen. I realized that for me, just getting well wasn't enough for me to have peace and security b/c it still could be taken away again, or something else bad could happen. I wanted God to put some solid ground under my feet. True wealth are those things which you never have to fear losing--God alone fits that definition. And according to the Bible, what He has to offer me can not be lost. Though I am still more than determined to beat ic, this has brought me more peace even than the thought of being well someday. . .
HI,
I am new to this site, and I found this post for a reason. All this (my IC) started for me around the time I turned my life over to Christ 4 years ago. It is very confusing, as a lot of people at church tell me to pray and that they will pray, and they expect I will get healed soon through prayer...well years have gone by and I am still learning more and more. I relate so much to your post. I HATE not being able to be the women my husbnad needs in the sexual way, and I hate being so tired and in pain and not being the Mom I feel I need to be to my small children. I do not understand why I am going through this, because I always felt my purose was to write books, and live a totally different life, then what God has me on with this IC. I am glad I found this~
I'm so glad you have found your way to this site and hopefully to Matia. She is truely amazing. Are you a patient yet? I also have small children. I started my treatment in November of last year. My recovery seems to be coming very quickly. You and I are the lucky ones. Finding Matia will change your life for the better. Tammy
Oh wow Sharon, that is so wonderful about the drinking water! there are so many needs in the world, it can be overwhelming; but you know when God specifically puts a certain one on your heart--and that's where you invest! How great!
THanks for sharing! it gave me the courage to share as well
icnot4me
Family support is so important. It really helps when things get hard. It sounds like you have a great support system in place. I'll be looking for your "update" posts. Tammy
Since I first wrote in on this, and finally I am now coming to see Matia for the first time in October. I wanted to thank everyone, as this still brings me support. Reading these keeps me focused on healing. God Bless!
ICNOT4ME,
Your post was amazing! I have been through so many of the same experiences. My IC is also severe and I am no longer able to work. This summer, I came to terms with my reality and my beliefs. This trail has brought me closer to God, and I am a richer person for it. I belive that I will recover from this illness.
At the same time, life is short and I have chosen to live in light of eternity. I read a book by that title this year written by K.P. Yohannan. After reading the book, I have decided to help people around the world obtain clean drinking water as well as "living water." I have such great compassion for people who are suffering due to drinking poor water. My IC actually started while I was working in the former Soviet Union and drinking contaminated water.
Each day, I try to find a way to bring joy to the people around me. Life is full of so many opppotunities to help others. With IC, I think it is especially important to reach out to others as a way to get our minds off the pain. Now, I wake up each day with joy and purpose.