I am having a really hard time with making this picture sit right. My aplogies. I wanted to post this fantastic story and this incredibly beautiful baby. So, I am just posting and will fix its position later.
If it weren't for the fact that the sugar, the alchol, the pot, the anti- anxiety meds, so obviously contributed to my lousy health, I would still be quite happy in my ignorance. There are days that I'm still quite pissed off about it all. Although, at the moment, I'd really appreciate it if you'd change your opinion on my microwave. However, out of sheer desperation, physical pain, three rounds of breast cancer, and one go at mellanoma, I came to the realization that I had to give them up - the chemicals - not the microwave - you may have to come and unplug that yourself.... :) For myself, the pain levels of IC have quickly subsided. For the first time in 17 years I've gone over the five year mark for the breast cancer. However, in the process, my anxiety and terror rose to rates that threatened my very survival. I would spend days, weeks, months, and then several years, trying to hold on to the day that I would be sane again. Sometimes I was scared to death that I wouldn't be able to cope without some sort of medication. There were days that I took miniscule amounts of something, and still occasionally do, when coping skills have become completely lost to me. So, my life was a tite rope act - sometimes still is. I will be forever grateful that you, and others on this site, are often times on the other end of that rope. However, at the end of the day, without a pill, one is quite alone in the dark. So, I am damned proud of myself. I have clawed my way to where I am today. I've spent two years designing, overseeing, and physically helping to build four homes. I've spent a year in horrific therapy. I've learned, for the first time, how to just be present with myself - to actually hear that inner voice that holds such truth and wisdom. Admittedly, it is still more fleeting than not. However, I am kinder to myself, have fewer expectations on what has to be. I have my first grandbaby. She's opened up my eyes to my past and helped me to see something that I'm not sure that I'd ever really learned; the value of a precious moment.
Anyway, if you'd like to use it would be wonderful - Her name is Leah, her Mom, my daughter is Lisa. Lisa arrived from Korea, with 25 other babies, on a plane that was full of US serviceman coming home. It's my understanding that there was only on chaperone for every five babies. I'll bet you can guess who helped hold the babies... : )