My story and relationship with my urethra and bladder began 2 years ago when i was experiencing severe stress in my life due to a licensing exam and deep ambivalence about my work, which I personally refused to look at and do anything about until my body literally gave out from underneath me. I remember the day I felt, for the first time in my life, my bladder. Before that point I had never had any problems with that part of my body. However, I suffered from horrible allergies since early childhood, aches and pains in my back and sciatic nerve, and suffered also with severe depressions. I am also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict (21 years sober). I also love, and I mean love, sugar and made sure I never had to give it up like so many other things I had to stop, in fear they would kill me.

So, getting back to that infamous day when I sadly and painfully was introduced to my bladder. I was sitting in a staff meeting and was feeling particularly enraged over something, but of course did not say a word. In that moment I felt a sharp pain surge up by my vaginal area and wasn't sure what it was. When I got home from this meeting I remember feeling anger, like once again I had not spoken up for myself,. I felt a lack of power and felt taken advantage of. I know that I am stressing "feelings" a great deal, however, in my story their repression has a lot to with the onset of this insidious disease. Over the next couple of days I began to have a significant amount of pain in my vaginal area, yet it wasn't my vagina that was hurting. So I took out my trusted book, "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom", and found out that I had a bladder infection. I called my doctor who prescribed Bacrtim or whatever.

Thus began the ridiculous 13 month cycle of doctors, tests, antibiotics, pain and very little - no, make that no relief from the established medical profession. I went from doctor to doctor complaining of profound pain, frequency, and urgency. Nothing helped, and no one had any answers. I had test after test and all of them came back with no significant findings. I finally found a doctor who performed a test and found that I did in fact have a swollen and severely infected urethra, however, my bladder walls seemed fine. I was a practicing therapist at the time with a stressful case load, and the pain from sitting endlessly in a chair for at times, 10 hours a day was just about killing me. I must interject that I also did not want to be in that chair anymore and was dying to get out of that chair and find other parts of myself that I think I was too frightened to acknowledge. So, one Monday night after 10 hours of work I came home exhausted and feeling so much pain in my bottom area I thought I would pass out. I literally could not take another step without passing out from the pain in my vaginal area. My husband took one look at me and said, "Enough, Elise, no more!!" That next morning I woke up and called all my patients and sadly told them I was sick and would not be returning. It was a devastating ordeal stopping therapy with so many people I had come to care for. I also felt like my vaginal area was on fire and I had some kind of flu down there that would not quit. The stress of speaking to people and referring them to other therapists only made my symptoms worse and worse throughout the day. So, after 20 years of working I had to stop from an ailment that no one knew anything about, and I did not know how to heal. I was scared to death!!! I didn't know who to turn to, and became very, very depressed. The pain was worsening and the doctor I was seeing was of no help at all. he never spoke of diet and put me on 11 rounds of antibiotics. One day while examining me, he even called me by the wrong name! What a disaster, I felt so belittled and hopeless.

While on a trip to Hawaii with my family during the holidays I made a promise to myself that I would do anything to get my health back in the next year. I vowed to the Gods that I would be healthy in body, mind and spirit and whatever it took I was going to do it. I was tired of sitting everything out, I was tired of being so depressed, so vacant of spirit, so run down and I was especially tired of being in bloody pain every single day and crying endlessly. I returned from that trip with resolve to find something or somebody that would help me heal. I found sweet Matia on the internet and decided I had nothing to loose. I began treatment with her on January 26, 2002. I remember the day, for it was my new beginning, and also the day I stopped eating sugar for the first time in my life. Remember, I was a major sugarholic!!! Yeast must have truly loved me as a host, I even had it in my bloodstream!! So, I took Matia's hand and I began this long, hard road to recovery.

Every week I visited Matia and cried and hurt and felt horrible. I felt that way for many, many months. My bladder cramped, my vaginal walls ached, my back ached, my head ached. I was depressed, bloated, angry, and scared that this would never end. I had terrible urgency that kept me up at night and made me miserable during the day. I just could not find a place in my body that was safe and quiet. I was desperate for a place within myself that was well. I wrote in a journal every day and brought it to Matia describing in detail every pain and ache. She was all I had and she never let me down. I stayed in a great deal of the time and started to truly evaluate what got me to this place in my life. I wanted to learn from this dreadful dis-ease, so that I would never have to visit it again.

It took a long time for me to feel better. I can say that today I am feeling better, I even forget that I have a bladder, for now it just melts into the rest of me again. I still have a ways to go with some other symptoms-abdominal cramping, back aches, etc., but I am confident that all will be well again. I stay on my diet though it is very hard some days. I take my herbs and follow my treatment protocol from Matia. My depression has lifted and I am looking for work again!!! I truly believe that we all can heal and feel safe again in our bodies. This is such a dreadful and isolating illness, yet through it all I somehow felt that those parts of my body were trying to tell me something -There is metaphor in illness, if we listen. I have been too frightened to listen at times in my life - I am listening now and I like what I am hearing. Take heart, if I can get better (and I'm a pain in the ass!!!) so can you!!!! SO CAN YOU!!!!!