This will surely not be eloquent as I am very busy but I felt moved to write today.

I think I understand now why people do not come back and write on here after they are feeling better.Because for me it is hard to not sound gloating or vice versa to scare people. I am in my 5th year of treatment. I am not "better" but my life is so great. I am certainly more stable than I was and the rest of my health is very good. Sometimes, I see something from an old timer patient that has moved on to a different mode of healing or hear from someone that they are angry or disappointed in the treatment and I feel some fear creeping in, "Am I doing the right thing?- can I trust that Dr B will help me?- Should I be guten free, nightshade, dairy, etc etc you name it- free?" and then last night I just said to myself, "You are OK." I still have flares and IC is part of my life but that life is livablea nd more!!. I have achieved so many thingss this year along with raising my family.

My dear friend/mentor gave me the best advice more than 2 years ago when I was lamenting how maybe I should be "doing more meditation" or whatever it was that I felt I must need to do to get better. She said, "Why don't you just try to have more fun?" With no expectation of outcome. YES! That is the single best advice I have been given. Fun had been very difficult when I was wrapped up in the pain and the limitations. I started making a concerted effort to seek it out.

Since that time, I have done a one woman show, joined a rock band, performed professionally in Philly theater, started working with high school theater kids again, gone on small fun outings with my famiy, had many little parties at my house where I can control my food easier., volunteered again with my kids' schools and a bunch of other stuff So much has gotten better. I am not saying my life is free of stress, sadness or pain. I still feel daily momets of grief about IC and the fact that I haven't healed the way I thought I would but for now- I am OK and more. How many people have things in their life that they would change if they could? SO many people say, "If i had a better job, husband, haircut..." In my case, it is "Life would be better if I felt totally normal". Ok.  it would be wonderful to feel better but I am living a really full and wonderful life right now despite or in some cases, because of what I have been through. It has made me strong and determined to live life to the fullest possible. I used to think you had nothing if you didn't have your health and now I believe that my health/body is only one part of a whole picture. Of coure some days, it just all gets to me and i feel sad and that is ok too. But I don't want to live in the misery of that.

One day at a time, I am living beautifully. Peace and healing to all. If you' re in a bad spot today, I am holding you in the light. I am sure I will have bad days as well but I know now that it is possible for things to change. I don't mean to undermine anyone who is going through extreme pain. Life is so much harder when you hurt. xoxoxoxoxo.