Women are often embarrased to speak about their sexuality. More often than not, they have reall problems with sex and pretend that they do not. I cannot tell you the number of women that see me and tell me how they "fake" it with their significant others. While others may even worse, pretend to not have pain!!! This is especially common with women (and men) who have IC or other related chronic inflammatory conditions. The facinating thing, is that when the body is treated holistically for that chronic condition, such as the IC, the peripheral problems go away, i.e., problems orgasming or painful sex. In my humble opinion, this is the way in which the human body should be approached. IF you treat it in a segmented manner, the results will also be segmented creating other unwanted effects. The following article is one way in which problems with orgasm is being approached nonholistically:
Comments
intimacy
There are ways of still feeling like you have intimacy with your significant other with out hurting yourself. For me my boyfriend was scared to touch me but it made us both sad. Just to hug could be painful. Things I did to keep the passion going was to make sure I would at least pay attention to him every two weeks. I would set some candles out and get some feathers or brushes sometimes a jojoba oil and just massage each other lightly. It did not have to lead to anything just taking very nice care of each other and showing you love and concern for your feelings. I found that using tea tree oil after paying any special attention to my boyfriend would prevent me from having any flair reactions. So making sure he is not with out was important to me because after all I think it's a lot easier for a woman to go with out then a man. All I need is compassion and someone to tell me they love me, some kisses and hugs and I am good. Men seem to need a whole lot more. Don't get me wrong the BIG O is great but all these woman who use topical pain killers to please there partner is not right. That is only hurting your progress. I have finally gotten to the point after 9 years of IC that sex is just now starting to enter my life. I am sure if I had found the holistic rout sooner that would have happened a bit more quickly, but none the less after all this time it is starting to happen with out pain. You all will get there too. Find your own ways of being intimate with your partner and you will see a turn for the better. I am very happy to see this topic arise in here because I know it can be trying on relationships. Thank you Matia for bringing this up.
condoms
well, since we're on the topic of sex........why is it important to stay away from lubricated condoms during treatment?? I have been having sex with lubricated condoms and don't feel any worsening of symptoms afterwards. my bladder feels the same before and after, full, heavy and uncomfortable. luckily my bladder doesn't affect the act itself. and if one does change to the non lubricated ones, is it just for treatment? is it ok do go back to them when my bladder heals???
Condoms
Many people are sensitive to the spermicide and the lubrication bc of all of the chemicals. However, I have found that it is more often the spermicide and the lubrication is a little more forgiving.So, I think what you are doing is fine. Just wash with soap and water after.
condoms
so.......probably a stupid question but, they sell lubricated condoms that don't have spermicide right?? if i buy lubricated condoms that dont have the word spermicide on the box then they should be fine? i never paid attention to that so im just curious and want to steer clear of the spermicide.
My trial and error with condoms
You can get lubricated Trojans or Durex at the drugstore that don't contain spermicide. I found that I was very sensitive to them, so I don't use them. However, I have had tremendous success with Japanese lubricated condoms without spermicide. They're also MUCH thinner than American condoms so your partner will probably enjoy them too. If you're in New York City you can find them at Sunrise Mart, JAS Mart, or Toys in Babeland. You can also order them here: http://secure.condomania.com/Condoms/
My favorite brands are Crown and Beyond Seven -- Kimono is my third choice.
Also - I just want to give a shout out to the Boma Sense Personal Lubricant. That stuff is amazing and has helped me tremendously.
thanks natalie
wow...i didn't know there was huge condom world out there. im excited to try these especially since they're thinner. my boyfriend tends to notice a huge difference when we use the trojans. me not so much but if it'll make him happier why not
discouraged
I must have ic bad. I am not capable of intercourse at all
Thank you!
Thanks for bringing up this topic Matia. Sex was such a huge issue for me when I was suffering terribly with IC. (I am so much better now so it isn't as much of an issue). My husband and I had such a great sex life before the IC and then everything changed because of it. The guilt of not being able to have sex with my husband was literally overwhelming. We were JUST MARRIED and I could barely have sex!! And I would be in pain for a week after. He couldn't touch me for weeks at a time. My husband is an angel from God and stuck with me thru all of it and NEVER made me feel bad about it but I still felt terrible that this THING could not only ruin my life but ruin my marriage too. I have to say this too tho - that particular stuggle made my husband I MUCH closer and MUCH better friends. I am not sure exactly how but it did. I think it forced us to really examine our relationship and what it was about WITHOUT sex. Luckily, it was pretty good! Now that we are able to be semi-normal in terms of sex (sometimes I am a little sore and will "pass" on sex until I feel better, usually a day or two) things are easier but we both seemed to have learned more about each other and about our relationship during that time. It was one of the biggest motivators (other than getting out of pain!!) for me to get better. I was so angry and refused to let the IC ruin my marriage. I had been dating my husband for 10 years before we got married and ONE MONTH after we got married - THIS happened. As sick as I was, I was FURIOUS too! The anger of it helped me not give up. I talked about it with Matia and with my husband a lot. It helps to talk about it with someone you trust. Matia was great and I NEVER felt embarassed or anything talking to her about any of it. If it's hard to talk about it, try to anyway. I know that the guilt and anger made my pain much worse. After I talked about it, the load felt a little lighter on me - even if for just a little while.
MR203
I dont know who I am speaking to most of the time when I am answering these posts--So, MR203, I dont know who you are, but I am so happy that you and your husband got through this together! I have had a couple patients lose their marriages over this, and it was simply awful bc those people ended up better later and wished that they still had their marriage, but it was too late. When we marry, it is supposed to be for better or for worse. It is super sad that IC breaks up a marriage. Challenges in life can have a way of really bringing you together. In most cases, I do think that is what happens.
MR203
I dont know who I am speaking to most of the time when I am answering these posts--So, MR203, I dont know who you are, but I am so happy that you and your husband got through this together! I have had a couple patients lose their marriages over this, and it was simply awful bc those people ended up better later and wished that they still had their marriage, but it was too late. When we marry, it is supposed to be for better or for worse. It is super sad that IC breaks up a marriage. Challenges in life can have a way of really bringing you together. In most cases, I do think that is what happens.
Yes, thank you Matia for
Yes, thank you Matia for bringing this up. I was going to chat with you on it during my next phone appointment. My partner and I had such a wonderful sex life before my IC got really bad this last year. I miss it so much, and feel SO guilty about not being able to have it. Intercourse itself is painful, but the next day the burning is terrible. Lately it even burns when I have an orgasm with oral sex, does anyone else experience this? My partner is extremely supportive and I look after him as much as I possibly can......but it is just not the same:-( I've only been in treatment since April, so I don't have huge expectations ..............but I pray for the day when I can enjoy it again.