I was speaking to someone today who said she realizes how much her personality has changed since she has been burdened with her illness. Whereas she used to be outgoing and up, she had becme withdrawn and down. As she is getting better she is starting to remember who she used to be and has become determined to bring that old self back to life! In fact, she is coming back to life because that is what made her remember! It is a good reminder to me and to all of you who have latered your way of being due to illness. Try to find your way back to yourself as you improve. You are in there!
Another of my patients has said something along the same lines. He has latered his way of being in a different manner. He has gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. Whereas he used to drink a lot an smoke marijuana and cigarrettes and live that kind of lifestyle, he is now meditating everyday and exploring his inner self and has said goodbye to those distructive habits. He said he feels he is a better husband and father because of it.
In general, sickness does change us. Sometimes, it is so slow, that we don't even notice. I think this may be another opportunity to learn from by journaling our feelings. What things do we like about what we are doing on a daily basis? What things would we want to be different. Wht things are we tolerating because of illness that we would not otherwise tolerate? Converesly, I would also say, that I wonder if the development of compassion has taken a place where there may not have been any prior to illness. I often notice that people with chronic illness, especially IC become far more compassionate after learning what it is to really suffer.
Someone said to me yesterday that her doctor would not have even thought to do a procedure that she was suggesting to do if she even had one slight idea of the pain that would be caused by it. Especially, if she would consider the risk to benefit factor in doing such a test. Compassion is something one can only really cultivate through sufferring. But, it does stay with you as you improve, and becomes a new part of the imrpoved you over time.
Life has a funny way of guiding us through change. Change would not happen without some motivation. That motivation usually comes from discomfort. Try to focus on these struggles, and realize, there is often a higher reason for all of this. And, finding your way through it can be liberating and changing all for the good.