I so know the awkward look and uncomfortable silence! YUCK! I've said it before but sometimes people think they want to know but they really don't- chronic illness freaks people out! They don't know how to feel about it at all! Unless I know and trust them or feel comfortable or unless people really are in health trouble and want to know more about my "healthy diet" i really have learned to keep my mouth shut about it. The most annoying thing  is having people suggest stuff for me to do that I know is not going to help- or to even argue with me about my choices. So what I do if people ask is just go with the food allergies or I tell people that sugar hurts my stomach or gives me a toothache or headache or something. Or I just say- which is true now although it wasn't at one time- I tell them I prefer savory flavors over sweet flavors and its true. I work in an office that loves food and we frequently have lunches/meetings. I bring my meal so I can eat with everyone and sometimes there is one dish at the meeting that I can eat- raw veggies or salad or rice or something. Having that one dish makes me feel included in what could be an ostracizing hour! REally though people just think I am a health nut and are always complimenting me on my choices. I have learned that their observations of what I eat - in the  full kitchen we have at lunchtime in our building makes them feel bad about what they choose to eat. They are always telling me how bad they feel about what they eat and comparing their meal to mine as if I was the food police! It's so nuts! I tell them I feel good when I eat the way I do and that I make simple food cause I am not a great cook and that sugar makes me feel really crappy- which it does! I am telling you it is going to get easier- but keep going with the diet  and you doing a great thing for your body! It s weird because I recognize the things you are saying but for me it was way harder to quit smoking cigarettes than for me to quit sugar. I must have quit 200 times. All my friends and husband still smoke and I live in the southeast where everyone smokes, tobacco is cheap and you could smoke anywhere (up until recently when they changed the laws). I would always go back when stressed or after a glass of wine - it was like I had no control- this one little thought out of nowhere would just grip my head and I couldn't rest until I satisfied it. But I learned to wait out the urges. I got sooooo bored with slowly killing myself and I got curious to what it would be like not engaging in self destructive behavior. I also began to face the very hard truth that the lie I was telling myself regarding my smoking habit= that it relieved my stress- that it relaxed me - did not have an once of truth in it. Even then I still went back to it like a comforting habit.( What was I going to do without a cigarette in my hand?)  But I was feeling so sick at that point that ANY enjoyment I might have gotten from satisfying this addiction was totally overshadowed by an unmistakable very permanent sensation of feeling overwhelmingly BAD. This feeling propelled me through the nicotine urges in the beginning stages of cigarrette detox. not having the crutch was very VERY uncomfortable. I was constantly disappointed that I did not have something to fill that void. I had been delusional about any perceived benefit (psychological/social comraderie?)  I was getting and it hurt to realize I was actually in fact hurting myself for like 12 years of my life. It took a long time but I just had this "shift" of persepctive and conviction to quit without relapse. This happened- a culmination of many many failures - finally!  but it was difficult to accept but at the same time refreshing empowering feeling. I had come to place where I really couldn't ever go back to being a smoker and now to think about it is kinda of like... dang... I used to do that? but i  know exactly what you are saying - like you can know it hurts you and still go and do it. Around the time that shift was happening I had come to this point in my spiritual path  where I was opening up and letting go and awakening to sa very positive powerful force in my life  -learning and realization and knowing that I had much more potential to do the things I dreamed of doing. That had the strength after all to do these things. I lost the desire to smoke - there was a tipping point in a positive direction  and it just happened. I quit and it was not hard- not nearly as hard as it had been 200 times before. Your perception of sugar may change as you continue on this diet- it won't bother you like the way it does now. I had to take some steps on an internal heart level- to affirm everyday" I love and accept myself unconditionally" and I had to beleive it on an intellectual level and a heart level. I think when we get the needs met that our addictions are driving us to suppress than the need to reach for the addiction for comfort is dispelled. even though I quit smoking before reaching Matia I found out I had some other intense emotional issues - negativity and fear and low self esteem ( same stuff that propelled me to harm my body) I had to deal with these issues that I beleive greatly factored into the IC developing in my body. I sought help with a wonderful therapist who helped me work through old stuff - get rid of baggage and resentments, and fears and also gave me some tools to use in my life should any other problems crop up. BTW! I loved having a therapist it was so amazing to find out I was not unique in my issues and that they could be helped and I was! You are most definately strong to have gone through the things you describe and to be the person you are now. I'm very inspired by your spirit! thanks for reading Mary