This might be a tough post. I am going to try and articulate some very fundamental things. And, as I learn over and over again from these posts and my every interaction, and most recently from my posts the other day, I need to be careful about the words I use so as not to distress anyone. The thing is, somehow I manage to distress people when I feel like inside of my consciousness, I am about one of the most positive people I have ever come accross.
I was thinking about it on my drive home yesterday--never in my life did I allow myself to be defeated--even in my darkest moments and I had many, believe me. I am a survivor, and the power of the mind, soul, and body is profound. Are those even separate things? Some of us pretend to, but, ultimately none of us know.
I want to start by saying that I had a couple of emotional conversations today that reminded me of my physics and organic chemistry treacher in college. He knew what he was talking about, but, none of us did. In fact, he knew so much, I think he taught as if we all just knew most of what he knew too. Which, was kind of "cool" because it gave us a sense of respect and honor, but....we had no clude what on earth he was saying. So, it took 20 times longer to understand what we needed to get because of this assumption he would make.
Well, I obviosuly know a considerable amount of things about the condition of IC and chronic illness in general. And, perhaps I feel I have said something so many times, I am hesitant to repeat it so that I am not at risk of being tirelessly redundant. However, I realize that I am not itterating enough my favorite metaphor and the concept of my most important fundamental doctoral concept in my work.
So being sick is point A and being healthy is point Z--the road in between is windy (just recently realized there is no way to differentiate between windy as in, blowing in the, and windy, as in semi-circular turns). In order to stay on that windy road, we as practitioners, need to assist the person going through treatment in staying on that windy road by steering the wheel of their car along those turns. The way to do that is to make dose adjust ments to keep the car going. By doing that you are following the way the person is reactin and working with the body and condition of the illness--unraveling it so to speak. So, when we often are tireless subtracting and putting back the same ingredients, it is not because we are endlessly doing the same thing for no reason. It is for a reason. As a person goes forward, the reactions start to break down and the immune system begins to react differently as it is making progress. The body is in a contual state of motion and change, and what is often referred to as homestasis is actually not that, but homedynamic. Understanding this helps us to graps why you cannot just come up with some magical combination to create an effect tha will make everything disappear. The idea is change-so as there is change you go with those changes. IN health there is constant motion. In illness there is even more. The body swinging on way and then the the other.
This last statement is the idea of Compensation I speak of in my dissertation. So, if you do one thing really hard the body will swing back the other way, this is only one example. So, in order to stop this from happening, one must create smoother movments that are less extreme. As treatment continues, this is what starts to happen.
I wish this was an easy process for everyone, it isn't. I wish that there was an easy fix, there isn't. I wish this condition did not exist-truly, I wish it so much, but it does. With all of that said-life, health and illness-there IS change, and WITH change, we can CREATE more change.
The evolution of our health is part of the essence of our beings. Who knows why the ones who suffer with these things found themselves on this road. I realize for some of you i tis very difficult even unthinkable to turn any of this into a positive. But, I have to say, I think of the suffering I have personally been through in my life as just that because, I feel very certain it will change the old woman I am yet to become. I will be wiser and more youthful, healthier, happier. I think I will live to be much older and certainly, much more wise. And, through this, I may be able to touch more human beings on this planet than I ever could have under a different set of cicumstances.
Each one of us possesses such opportunities- because everyone you touch around you by being who you are and sharing what you know is changed by that.
Dr.M
Comments
Thank you so much for all of
Thank you so much for all of this. It is late and I did a once through read - HOWEVER - I know that I will visit your words again. It's wonderful to find your presence here.
Sincerely,
Ha, I can totally relate to
Ha, I can totally relate to organic chem, not sure what was going on in that class. When in doubt life revolves around hydrogen, without it life cannot exist. Yes, I must bind something to hydrogen. Chair what?! I don't see any chair!
Like you describe there is so much that we will never truly understand, or why certain things happen, but have learned nothing more than strength and preserverence from many trials already in my young life. For example, when my dad died, a youth counselor arrived to our house, we had met several times through youth group activities at church. When I answered the door her jaw dropped to the floor. She explained her expression as we took a walk around the neighborhood. She said, "I never picked up from our previous encounters that anything so tragic was occurring in your life, you have such a bright smile and happy spirit." I didn't know what to say at first, tears streaming down my face, but my response, "my dad never wanted me to mope around because he was sick. He had the positive energy to the end, the fighting spirit, he truly believed with all his heart he would beat cancer, and because of that I always felt that hope. But, now that he is gone, he would want me to keep the same fighting spirit." Of course, I know he was scared and sad to leave, but I will never forget his loving and fighting spirit!
Life is about challenges and it is what we choose to do with these challenges that shapes us. I want to fight for my health and pain free life, that I am not sure I ever truly had. I am thankful for your never ending guidence and positive perspective. I may not fully understand this crazy tour I signed up for, but so thankful my tour guide does! :)
Oh Christina-so many things I
Oh Christina-so many things I want to repsond to this. I dont have the moment to do it right now. But, I wanted to say-how beautiful! More later.
Dr.M
Thank you doctor Brizman. I
Thank you doctor Brizman. I could not resist looking up the word Homeodynamic and found a description of in in a Journal Abstract where they compare the term to homeostasis:
"The concept of homeodynamics that we introduce here offers a radically new and all-embracing concept that departs from the classical homeostatic idea that emphasises the stability of the internal milieu toward perturbation. Indeed, biological systems are homeodynamic because of their ability to dynamically self-organise at bifurcation points of their behaviour where they lose stability. Consequently, they exhibit diverse behaviour; in addition to monotonic stationary states, living systems display complex behaviour with all its emergent characteristics, i.e., bistable switches, thresholds, waves, gradients, mutual entrainment, and periodic as well as chaotic behaviour, as evidenced in cellular phenomena such as dynamic (supra)molecular organisation and flux coordination. These processes may proceed on different spatial scales, as well as across time scales, from the very rapid processes within and between molecules in membranes to the slow time scales of evolutionary change. It is dynamic organisation under homeodynamic conditions that make possible the organised complexity of life."
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12805697
If we don't excel at health, the only other option is disease.
I have spoken about this a
I have spoken about this a lot over the years, but, I really like this quote-going to read it again later and comment.:)
You are an inspration. (((hug
You are an inspration. (((hug)))
Christina, you are an
Christina, you are an inspiration. (((hug)))
Thanks for this intersting post Dr Brizman.
I can't imagine a clearer,
I can't imagine a clearer, more knowledgeble, more intuitive, more understandable, more empathetic, caring explanation. The "wiser, older woman" is also my goal and hope. Your blog truly struck home. I, also will be rereading and referring to it often.
Thank you Dr M
Dr. Matia,
Dr. Matia,
Thank you as always for sharing your heart, wisdom and honesty. You are truly a miracle for so many people - I am so thankful everyday for that.
Christina I love you girl! You too are such a blessing in all of our lives :)
Matia, thank you so much for
Matia, thank you so much for writing about this. It has definitely been a windy road for me and still is. But I AM getting better and I will never give up. I have changed so much through this process, and I feel like a different person. I am more confident, more assertive, and more positive; I could go on and on with all the good changes. Like you, I believe this suffering has and will change the old woman I am yet to become, and it will be beautiful. That is my wish for everyone going through treatment.
I have been doing some research and reading about how the immune system works, and about compensation, and it was really good to hear what you said (and Mimi's definition that she found) about the body being homeodynamic. I think I understand this treatment process a little better, and it is making more sense why we have had to make so many protocol changes so often for me, and why the swings happen. The swings are very gradually getting less. I wish it could go faster for me, but the slowness is teaching me gentleness, kindness, and patience. It is teaching the same to my family as well, and it is a good thing.
Lisa
Dr. Brizman, I have my first
Dr. Brizman, I have my first appt with your husband on May 15th. I read this entire blog to my husband whom will be coming with me. I had tears as I read it to him. He had just asked me this morning "where is God's mercy in this disease?" There was so much heart written here from a Dr. that has actually experienced this disease and suffered but became pro-active and is now helping so many of us find health again. I had simply answered him by saying "God's mercy sent me to the resources to get the healing I need." I am so thankful for you and Boaz and all that you are doing to help those of us out there who would have "no hope" if not for your guidance. I look forward to meeting Boaz and hope I get to at least say hello to you. Thank you so much.
Dr B
Dr B
as I sit here with tears streaming down my face I realize that I've been letting that doubting voice that I usually keep buried somewhere start creeping up again. My dedication through this journey has been unwavering but the last couple months with my pain so awful & unchanging I have had to fight those whispers. Your words brought me back & reminded me that this fight that so many of us are fighting is terrifying & difficult but waking up everyday & finding the joy will bring us, me to a place where our lives have more meaning, vibrant health & hope. Your an amazing women to give of yourself like you have...the difference you are making in our lives is multiplied by the happiness you are giving to our children & families everyday. This windy road is not easy but I know it will be worth it.
Christina your pretty amazing too:))))) xxxooo
Amy
I came to read everyone's
I came to read everyone's lovely posts and you guys have left me in tears. I don't feel that inspiring, but thank you! You guys are all so sweet and seriously an amazing group of warrior women! Keep on fighting we are going to be wise beyond our years, and gosh darn it, healthy and beautiful all thanks to Dr. M! Love you all so much!!!