What's On Your Mind Weekly

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It's been a great week for us, making some decisions on moving forward and upgrading info on the website. Having the time to do this is like a breath of fresh air! We are really looking forward to all of these changes and being able to help in a bigger and broader way.

Please share your thoughts for the week, let us know what is on your mind.

Dr. M & B

 

Comments

DLFox123's picture
DLFox123

Well, after years of never shuttting up, I find myself wondering if I should give an honest opinion to how I'm feeling, or play nice in the sandbox.  In truth, you are somewhat responsible for how comfortable I've become with a little honesty mixed in with a certain amount of respect.  I have learned to trust that a differing viewpoint will not get me thrown off the playground.   The shutting down of this site felt a bit like being left out in the cold.  This community was a life line; one that I had learned to count on.  Over time I picked myself up, got through some dark lonely nights, and stopped trusting in something that had meant the world to me.  In all honesty, I'm a bit aprehensive about reaching out again.  While it's true that as members, we vastly influence the feel of this place, you are the one at the helm who  initially sets the tone and has ultimate control over the site. I guess what I'm saying, is that I'm waiting to see if we get to glimpse the incredible caring person who is behind the wheel.....

 

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

OK so, I am sorry this response is coming so late after such a vulnerable comment. I was preoccupied with children events this weekend and coming down with a cold myself. I am sorry for you going through all of this, I am sorry for anyone going through all of this. And, I would hope that after knowing me, and knowing the amount of heart and soul I put into my work (and have done for more than two decades) one might realize that there were many very good reasons for shutting it down. I have continually considered reopening it, and being focused on the number one thing in my life all of these years-what is best to help deliver the best care I can deliver and protect the vulnerability of each of the people we treat, I have feared it may not be the best choice. I have gone back and forth repeatedly. I want people to get well, and the forum had become a source for confusion for many people. I would receive calls from crying patients over some of the discussions. I felt that information was being communicated that was not always on point or completely truthful and it was making many people upset and anxious. This is a shame because for all of the time prior, it HAD been an AMAZING place of unity and love and encouragment. This is what I would like to get back to and I have reached out to many people over this past year for help, but have not found the exact way to do this. Please know that all that has happened has pained me as deeply, although fro a different perspective. I am very happy that you are comfortable with speaking your mind. This is a critical part of becoming well, and for that, I can see you have healed a very important part of yourself. So thank you for being candid. I am unclear about your very last sentence.....can you please clarify? I suppose I don't know how to answer that last point.

 

DLFox123's picture
DLFox123

Thank you for getting back to me.  I do know, and so appreciate, the amount of heart and soul that you come to the table with.  I am sorry that I wasn't able to trust that your decision was the best one for all - I had no idea it was causing others harm.  It was a struggle to lose something that meant so much to me, and to trust that there were good reasons.  Thank  you for explaining.    In response to wondering what my last statement meant, I will try to clarify;  forgive me if I presume to much.  It's my instinct that all that you give can be emotionally draining.  The site that you speak of, which was such an incredible place, was probably at it's best when you were an active participant.  I was wondering if we were going to see that again - if that was something that was in everyones best interest.

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

I am going to try and be as candid as possible. First-I would LOVE to be an active part, but repeatedly people have said they do not want me to be (or Boaz) because they want privacy from us to speak about us or their treatment without feeling that they may be judged for their feelings. Perhaps you are not aware, but a very large FB group was start a few years back in my name, but I was univited to that group. It became quite large. What was upsetting is, my name was used without my permission and things were being disussed that i did not feel comfortable with. I am sure many people would have been comfortable with "any publicity is good publicity-even if it is not consistent with who youi are. But, that is not me. I had no choice but to straongly request that it be shut down. People were discussing things there and pulling people away from this site and really working against my work. As I said above-I have given my heart and soul to this work-given up my life path to choose to help those who fell into circumstances like my own-who were not believed-who were misdiagnosed with emotional issues that they did not have. I did not want people to suffer in the way that I did. People do not understand the amount of sacrifice it takes to do this kind of work, nor how much time goes into it behind working hours spending hours of my own personal time-being present for those who need it. Not only people were calling me upset-they were calling me with copies of texts that had been exchanged from person to person that included private attachments between myself and one of them in an effort to diminish me in some way. All of this created so much stress on me emotionally and ultimately physically I could no longer go on and I needed to make difficult decisions about my practice and if in fact I could even continue to practice. I tried very hard to solicit the support of many of you out there, but, honestly, I recieved very little, but did recieve a massive amount of judgement and accusation. This work is already hard beyond hard for me as well as for the person I am trying to help. To believe one can get better form this kind of chronic illness is incredibly difficult emotionally and physcially. I was spending all of myt time in defense of my methods instead of being able to dedicate myself to what I do best-listening and helping. I had no choice for myself, for my patients, and for the intergrity of this work which I started 22 years ago before anyone else was even thinking about IC and gut imbalances and it is a very important body of work to pass on to the next generations. Honestly, I am ust about one of the most tolerant, open, and loving people I know, but this sent me over the edge, and this illustration is only on the surface. I cannot go into all that I had to deal with. Remember, I am bound by confidentiality and all of you are not. This creates an unequal playground. I hope this helps you understand. I really have wanted nothing more to have what I feel was taken away from me-nothing more. I am sad, angry, upset-there are not enough adjectives for what I have felt. This used to be an amazing place of love and support-this is what I would like to have back. If you have suggestions, I am all ears.

All said with love, Matia

natasha149's picture
natasha149

Matia, I havent been here in a while and was completely unaware of all the hardships you've had with this wonderful site :(. I am sorry you had to go through all of this..

As one of your oldest patients, I just wanted to say that you will ALWAYS  have my support!!! I can't even imagine judjing or critisizing you in any way, you've literally saved my life, gave me my daughter, held my hand througout all these years, you've been present and always available in my darkest and most painful days. I've never in my life has met a doctor who would do as much for their patiens as you do, and I've seen many. You will always and forever have my absolute GRATITUDE! Much love from me and my whole family!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

Natasha-thank you for that. The thing that has always kept me going is knowing that there are many families that wouldn't "be", without this work. There are many of our patients out there that feel the way you do, and I, in turn, feel so much gratitude to have played a part in making it happen. I definitely could not do this work without those stories. Many of you, including you Natasha, are people that I value greatly for being in my life as well. Thank you for taking the time to write this and share. I truly appreciate it. xoxoxo M

 

 

DLFox123's picture
DLFox123

Dear Matia,  I am so so sorry that I presumed that it was you that wanted to leave the site, not that people wanted a private place to vent.  I am also so sorry that I lashed out - probably residual dealings of childhood abandonment.....lordy - so tired of counceling.  From my own perspective, I would love you involved in any site.  If nothing else, our interaction here has proven that venting to everyone else but the person that you have an issue with, solves absolutely nothing.  While putting on your big girl panties and hashing it out, while not always the most comfortable, is probably the only way to understand where the other person. is coming from.  I have been sitting here dwelling on the issue of trust.  In truth, I don't even blindly trust in myself to always know what's best.  What I do trust in, is my ability to figure it out.  So, while I don't blindly trust that you always know what's best, I trust in something that is much more important to me.  I trust that you're willing to figure it out.  I trust that there is always a give and take.  I trust in the mutual respect that I've always felt in my dealings with you.  I am so saddened that you were cut off from all of that - something that you have given your life to.  I feel that no one really benefitted from it.  Could you please clarify what support that you reached out for, and how we failed in that?  Thank you for once again hearing me - Denise

 

 

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

Denise- somehow whenever you have written in your very candid manner over these years, you always manage to do so in a way that is not offensive to me. Perhaps it is your ability to impart strong, clear, and succint thoughts without an air of disrespect or condescension. I try very hard to walk that same line. Your commentary has always been relevant and provokes the ability to create conversation, which ultimatly a great thing and what is needed on any very difficult topic.

There is no such thing as blind trust, or if there is, perhaps there shouldn't be. I would never ask for that. I only ask for trust, trust that I am here, trust that my intentions are with each of you and your best interest, trust, that, yes, you're right, I like everyone on the planet do not know everything, but will try hard and my best to sort out what needs to be sorted out.

Healing is a two way streeet if you have come to someone for help. It is not one sided. This is what I have tried to embody all of these years and with those who wish to walk that path, I have been here along side them.

You asked to whom I reached out and how I did not receive support. Well it was quite a while ago so I don't remember everything clearly now because I tend to let things go as much as I can. But, I feel that I posted frequently discussing what was going on. I am told that often I am not as clear as I may think, so perhaps I did not come right out and say what was on my mind clearly enough. It could be. I tend to go deep inside of myself when I feel hurt, and in the end, I have my own baggage and am as human as the next person. But to say that it damaged me emotionally is putting it mildly, again, not being able to openly discuss all of the details behind the scenes.

Last week, after I put up the post about that started this chain, I thought, well, maybe if I just start something each week, it will invite conversation and because I started it, I am automatically involved. This is a great way of seeing who wants to discuss things with me. Again, I have repeatedly receieved commentary that people want a place without me, not with me (or Boaz). This was just a first step to  reopen discussions and i felt we could go from there. Thank you for responding and sharing what you feel. It means so much. We have worked together for a long time, and I always enjoy these conversations we have. :) :) M

DLFox123's picture
DLFox123

PS  I have just reread through your e-mail.  I tend to read through difficult things quickly, afraid of someone elses anger with me, expecting what is often times not there.  I'm sorry that I missed how much pain this has all caused you.  I'm sorry that you got to such a low point. While  regret that you started this conversation, after all of this time, probably all hopeful and chipper, only to be blind sided by me, I am only sorry if I'm the only one that ends up feeling better about all of this.  I truly believe that the original site, that goes back to you as part of the group, is where the heart and soul of this whole thing was.  I think that people who want to chat through there own private E-mail, originally connecting through the site, may or may not be something that you could, or would want to control.  I don't think I have enough knowledge to know how this would affect you.  I know that the private E-mails that I had, and the private phone calls that I would receive, came with a mixed bag of good and bad. However, I regret none of them. As always, with love, Denise 

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

I am not at all mad at you! I think this was an important exchange.

MR203's picture
MR203

SO...I can not believe what you described really happened!! I mean I believe it did happen - but I can't believe how much people SUCK!! Dr. M, I know you know this but I will tell you again because maybe it will help negate some of that  BS that you had to deal with...since the first day I met you (almost 13 years ago!!!) I knew you were the real deal. You are amazing, you saved my life and you have never steered me wrong. I trust you and I know that you do your best to help me, and all of your patients, all day, everyday. You are an angel on this earth. And you sure have the patience on one too - JEEZ!!!!! 

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

I am so grateful for your trust MR203. Thank you!

M

 

fahlmank's picture
fahlmank

Dear Dr Brizman,

     Let me first start off by saying how lovely it is to be seeing more activity and conversation on this site again! I will admit that after the forum was closed, I too, had a difficult time losing my "life line" to other patients. I was fortunate, however, that I was past the most critical part of my healing and had begun to see improvements so I was in a bit more stable positon to rely on only myself and our appointments. Over time, I checked in less and less frequently. Yet, clearly I still carry a latent need for it, because seeing the give and take reappear brings a smile to my face and warms my heart. I have thought about the many friends I made through this site on a daily basis and it brings a connectedness to my healing I draw upon for strength when IC rears its isolating head. I truly believe regular involvement will gain momentum once again. It will just take time for patients to find the activity and choose to reingage. 

     I agree with Denise's assessment that your voice is an intregal part of the education and monitoring process. Monotoring is not meant in a critical way, but it does ensure that the conversations are in a tone and direction consistent with Bomamed's mission and philosophy. So I suppose what I am saying is.... is it awesome to see this first step and interaction. Whatever evolves as an outreach of this interaction should include you, not exclude you. In whatever way I can be supportive, I will be. In the meantime, I will take a look at what I have been reading and see if it is valuable to the conversation of the next thread. 

Thank you for being, well, you.

Much love and healing,

    Katie

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

Thank you so much for your respnse and words of wisdom Katie-they are deeply appreciated! 

M

 

ichealing's picture
ichealing

Wow, I think that because I was mostly through treatment by the time the forum started, I really never had any idea the extent of all that happened with it, and I'm sad to hear about it. I keep meaning to write an email to tell you how much you and this treatment have changed my life and to say how deeply thankful I am, but now that I've read this and know more, I wish I would have done it sooner. Maybe people get worked up about the how rigid the treatment seems at first and they get frustrated if they don’t make progress quickly enough. But I know first hand after having gone through it and strayed once, that there are reasons why you do things slowly and with intention, and that with this condition you have to be so careful not to make things worse. And I know that you’re open to different things even though you’ll always tell me what you think is best for me and why. And I trust you because of that.

 

I'm so, so grateful for all that you do and for your genuine compassion. When I think about people who have changed my life, you’re at the top of the list. When I think back to how painful and lost I was when I started, and how amazing it felt just to have someone listen and understand, it brings tears to my eyes. You have always been a lifeline for me any time that I needed you, both for IC/bladder and for everyday illnesses that I can't imagine having to treat with conventional medicine anymore. (I refer back to that Chinese medicine cabinet post frequently. Please, please, put that on your list of videos to make.) The power of that can't be underestimated. It still blows my mind that most people have no idea there's an alternative to antibiotics that won't break down their immune system. My life is so different in so many ways from what it would be if I hadn't gone through treatment with you, and it's not just the healing that I did, but how much I learned and how much it changed my values and my relationship with food and lifestyle in ways that will last a lifetime. When I started I really had no knowledge of how the gut affects everything and no idea how to even begin to heal. More people need your knowledge and expertise, not just to heal, but to prevent chronic illness.

 

It’s amazing to me now to see all of these other alternative practitioners on the web, writing books, etc, and the explosion of different diets for healing the gut, when I know that you were talking about all of these things before they were, and before a lot of the more recent science that is supporting it. You were truly ahead of your time, and it’s definitely time for you to share that with a bigger audience. That said, I hope you always keep working with patients one on one, because your intuition and ability to know what will work for different people with different histories and tendencies is something that can’t be replicated in videos or by any other practitioner I’ve ever seen.

 

And finally, I’m so excited to have the invitation to comment and participate, and to have your participation. I've craved the additional interaction and dialogue with you because you know so much and I often want to know what you think about things I read, but I also know that you're busy and respect that you need to have at least a little personal space. I really hope this becomes a place where people can have a healthy conversation about your methods and others in relation to it, without the individual focus that became negative. Hopefully with a spirit of sharing, each person can learn what works best for them, treatments can continue to evolve, and more people can heal.

 

Thank you, Dr. Matia. Though it may not always feel like it, everything you do has immense value. Don’t let the haters get to you ;)

 

-liz

drbrizman's picture
drbrizman

Hi Liz-it i is SOOOO unbelievable you just wrote. You were on my mind so strongly just this morning. As I am reading this, I am fighting tears. I have make-up on and need to run out of the house to a meeting for my daughters' school and don't want to show up looking like it's Halloween with mascara all down my face. I am going to re-read this tonight and allow myself to absorb this emotionally. I had another couple of like conversations with patients this week that made me feel so incredibly ha[[y and teary at the same time becauase it makes life feel so incredibly amazing to know that what you do matters. This is true no matter what you do-everyone needs that acknowledgement for their contribution no matter the size or impact. I really appreciate you taking the time to write at such length and with your heart. I am more and more looking forward to these conversations and knowing that people DO want to speak with me ( and Boaz) and not just have us somewhere in the dark on the side. This is what I alwasy loved and I felt so,...shunned from my own work which was so hurtful, painful. Thank you again. This made my day.

xoxo Dr.M

ichealing's picture
ichealing

I'm sure it's not a coincidence that you were thinking of me at the same time. So glad my message made a difference.

xoxo -liz

DLFox123's picture
DLFox123

: )